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Lets have a clean joke thread. Laughter heals as they say. (NO NASTY, OBSCENE OR COVID19!)

10 Points to Ponder as 2020 draws to a close ...
😂
😆
😜


1. The dumbest thing I ever bought was a 2020 planner.

2. 2019: Stay away from negative people. 2020: Stay away from positive people.

3. The world has turned upside down. Old folks are sneaking out of the house & their kids are yelling at them to stay indoors!

4. This morning I saw a neighbour talking to her cat. It was obvious she thought her cat understood her. I came to my house & told my dog.... We had a good laugh.

5. Every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit. Pyjamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.

6. Does anyone know if we can take showers yet or should we just keep washing our hands?

7. I never thought the comment, “I wouldn’t touch him/her with a 6-foot pole” would become a national policy, but here we are!

8. I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerator.

9. I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to the Backyard. I’m getting tired of the Living Room.

10. Never in a million years could I have imagined I would go up to a bank teller with a mask on and ask for money.
 
Not a joke but true......

“You only need two tools in life, Duct Tape and WD-40. If it’s not stuck and it’s supposed to be, Duct Tape it. If it’s stuck and it’s not supposed to be, WD-40 it.”
 
I FISH ON FRIDAYS

A husband and wife came for counseling after 20 years of marriage.
When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate,
painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 20 years
they had been married.

She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness,
loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of
unmet needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.

Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time,
the therapist got up, walked around the desk and, after asking the
wife to stand, embraced and kissed her passionately as her husband
watched with a raised eyebrow. The woman shut up and quietly sat
down as though in a daze.

The therapist turned to the husband and said, 'This is what your
wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?'

The husband thought for a moment and replied, 'Well, I can drop
her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I fish.'
 
dognero said:
Not a joke but true......

“You only need two tools in life, Duct Tape and WD-40. If it’s not stuck and it’s supposed to be, Duct Tape it. If it’s stuck and it’s not supposed to be, WD-40 it.”
Click to expand...
Part of the Lotus owners essential tool kit........
 
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